Tuesday, August 4, 2015

tales of the grocery: granny edition.

there's plenty of important, documentation of the family type things i should be blogging about.. like abe's dedication that happened weeks ago. but i just don't have it in me today.

instead let's talk about grocery store happenings..

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these tulips were in the clearance flowers, which is usually like flower hospice, but these weren't even close to death. and for $1 a pack, i bought all the colors. and they just make me happy.

this morning at walmart, four grannies approached me. and i'm talking grannies around 90, not grannies like my mom.

granny 1: how do you tell if this is ripe??
me: a cantaloupe? i don't know, is it if you smell it?
granny 1: well. i don't know!
me: we don't really eat cantaloupe in our house.. so i don't know either. 
granny 1: well. i guess i'll take your word for it and smell it. but if it's not ripe, i'll come back here and find you and beat you up.
me: haha *wide-eyed emoji*

granny 2 must have overheard my conversation with granny 1 and assumed i was some sort of produce specialist because she held up a plum (?) and literally yelled across the produce section "ma'am! ma'am! what is this??" and i was like, "i think a plum?" and she was like "..." and put the plum back.

granny 3 just wanted to rub abe's head, which was right up against my chest because i was wearing him in the sling and she may have rubbed a little cleavage too so that's fun. nothing like getting felt up by a golden girl in the rotel aisle. and then isaac wanted to spell his name for her, because of course he did. but she didn't understand and just kept saying "you're such a nice boy." while grant yelled COOKIE! because he wanted her to acknowledge the free bakery cookie in his hand. and everyone was really confused. 

granny 4 approached me in the baby department and i can see why she may have thought i was an expert in baby merch (see 3 small children). she wanted to know where she could find a high chair cushion because she wanted to gift the high chair she used as a child to her grand child but it needed a cushion. and i was like, "i don't think they make those anymore because high chairs come with cushions now. so if you buy a high chair it already has a cushion. i've never seen them sold separately." and she was all, "I KNOW THEY SELL THEM BECAUSE I'VE BOUGHT ONE BEFORE." and what i wanted to say was, "if you've bought one before, why are you asking me where they are??" but instead i just said "hmmmm.. i don't know. maybe look by the high chairs."

and we still managed to make it out in a mere 1 hour 12 minutes.


  1. That's what you get for shopping on the first of the month. Social Security checks hit and the grannies come out!

  2. Seriously starting to think you need a camera crew following you around - life with Lindsey Jo


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