Thursday, January 9, 2014

day in the life: wednesday. aka longest blog post in the history of the world.

 8:14- hear a little boy screaming "momma! knock knock!" *knocking on door* "MOMMA! help me!!!"

8:14- crawl out of bed. throw on pajama pants. put in contacts. brush teeth. grant's still asleep [in our bed, where he slept last night..] maybe i can get isaac downstairs while grant's still sleeping.

8:15- get to isaac's room.

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grant's awake.

8:30- make it downstairs. "BOB ON. momma! bob on!" ok, buddy. just a second.

8:34- stick a leftover pancake in the microwave for IH.

8:35- isaac is grabbing his crotch. "do you need your diaper changed?" "no." "does it hurt?" "uh-huh." unzip isaac's pajamas. find a THERMOMETER stuck down the front of his diaper..

8:45- back upstairs. change isaac's diaper. get a shirt on him. and his face washed. he doesn't like that because he thinks the dried on boogers feel cool..

8:46- "my jeans! my jeans!" all his jeans are downstairs. head downstairs. get his jeans on him.

8:54- strap him into his booster seat. tear up his pancake. i turn bob on.. it's not what you think.. 

8:56- grant is crying. i fix my coffee. start nursing grant.

8:58- my mom calls. talk to her for a few minutes. check other social media outlets. drink coffee.

9:24- get isaac out of his chair. wipe him down. he requests george. "no bob! george on!"

9:30- i turn george on. apparently i turn lots of old men on.. 

9:34- i stuff diapers. isaac watches george. grant sits in vibrating chair. grant poops.

9:35- change grant.

9:36- realize we aren't making it to the library at 10:15.

9:40- put grant in the swing to nap. ask isaac to come upstairs to play.

9:42- have this conversation at the top of the stairs: "gate." "you want the gate up?" "no, gate." "do you want the gate up??" "no. gate. me play downstairs." isaac goes downstairs.

9:45- i throw some jeans on. and a v-neck. look downstairs to make sure isaac hasn't killed grant. he hasn't.

9:50- come downstairs to use the bathroom so i can kinda monitor the boys. isaac brings me my coffee cup. he's taken the last drink. "my coffee too momma!"

9:54- i go back upstairs to straighten my hair. leave isaac downstairs with grant. hope for the best. take this selfie so you believe me..

9:56- look downstairs. "why don't you play cars or something?" "alright!"

9:57- throw on some concealer. and mascara. is that another gray hair?! no, just concealer in my hair.. realize i shoulda put some concealer under my eyes. too late, i already put on bronzer. look downstairs to make sure isaac is in fact playing cars or something. he is. look in the mirror.. good enough.

10:06- sit down to write this blog. isaac's banging his cars on the table. "be gentle with your toys buddy."

10:11- grant is asleep. my guess is not for long. LOUD BIG BROTHER.

10:19- "shhh. buddy, brother's sleeping."

10:24- i haven't eaten breakfast. get up to pour a bowl of cereal. we need to leave in 20 minutes [max].  

10:27- actually make it to the kitchen. IH excitedly yells, "my cereal too!"

10:30- share a bowl of cereal with isaac.

10:32- isaac wants to put the spoon we just used back in the drawer. i don't let him. minor tantrum ensues.

10:35- change IH's diaper and start getting shoes on/packing diaper bag/etc. have a disagreement with isaac because he wants me to wear my leopard print flats and i want to wear my boots. i put my boots on, because he's not the boss of me. grant's still in his pajamas. i don't care, not gonna change him. wake grant up and put him in the carseat. hope for the best.

10:48- pull out of the garage. doubtful that we'll be there by 11. IH kinda looks like a snot-nosed ragamuffin.

11:00- pull into library. do the story-time thing. isaac was awesome. obedient, friendly, engaging. grant was asleep and then awake, but content in his carseat. awesome! successful story hour!

ps. i erased that little girl's face because i want to be as creepy as possible.. 

11:37- leave library. have disagreement with isaac because he wants to go to church, but we have to go to walmart.

11:48- pull into walmart. hope for the quickest walmart experience ever. grant starts to cry. we press on. it's going well, despite the crying baby. we may make it out in record time!

i choose the wrong cashier. she wants to tell me her life story. then she tries to give isaac his teddy grahams, which isn't the plan. so i take them away. isaac starts whining.

we finally make it to the van. grant stops crying. isaac starts crying, because i had forgotten about his bears, but he had not.

12:06- pull out of walmart.

12:21- pull into the garage. chase a cat off our front porch, because the neighborhood cats are my sworn enemies. unload groceries. unload babies.

12:25- put up cold stuff. make isaac a lunch. pb&j, grapes, bears. grant starts crying. isaac comforts grant while i finish up. stop to take a picture because that's just sweet.

12:31- isaac eats lunch. i nurse grant.

1:00- change isaac, get him down for a nap. change my shirt because i've recently been spit up on. go ahead and put on yoga pants while i'm at it. make myself lunch.

1:20- oops, grant wasn't done nursing. nurse him while i finish eating, peruse facebook, and read a few blogs.

1:40- grant's asleep. i hold him while i text a few girlfriends and read a chapter of divergent. it's a good one.

2:00- move grant to the swing to finish his nap.

2:02- grant's not happy. resume holding grant.

2:10- guess who wants to nurse??

2:45- i've been holding/nursing grant and looking at pinterest for ideas for craft night. text bryant to tell him to pick me up a scene of yarn.

2:49- try to put grant in the swing again. he's anti-swing. continue nursing grant.

3:00- swing vs. grant round 3. grant wins. change grant/calm him down.

3:15- try grant in sling once he's calmed down. that's the ticket.

3:16- isaac's awake.

3:20- go let isaac out of his room. play upstairs and read "sto-wees!" with the boys. "pway wif me momma?" "sure buddy. what should we play?" "beep beeps! race 'em!" and some tummy time for grant.

4:15- grant wants to nurse.

4:17- isaac hits his head on the corner of the bathroom vanity. he's hysterical. try the squat and hug method, that's not gonna cut it. take grant off the boob. pick up isaac. he's squalling, but makes sure to stop every few seconds to tell me, "momma, baby grant crying too!"

4:25- isaac is calm. he wants milk and to watch cars 2. so we go downstairs and meet those needs.

4:30- nurse grant. watch cars 2 with isaac henry.

4:31- bryant texts. he's running late.

5:10- start fixing supper. we're having a rotisserie chicken i got at walmart and mashed potatoes and mac & cheese from a box.

5:16- bryant calls. he's on his way home. talk to him until he's almost home. give isaac a spanking for disobedience. he had a pretty good run, that was the first spanking of the day!

5:35- bryant's home! holla! bryant plays with isaac while i finish up supper and clean out the door of the fridge.

6:00- sit down for battle, i mean, supper. which is really just a synonym for "fight your 2 year old".. everyone eats, including isaac finally. he gets a reward of 2 m&ms.. and one spanking.. just keeping it real here.

6:38- we head upstairs for bath and bed time. bryant bathes isaac. i hang out with grant. we read and say prayers. isaac's down. i nurse grant. grant is seemingly down.

7:30- start a load of diapers. grant isn't down.

8:00- grant's down.. just kidding, not down.

8:30- grant's down? we clean the kitchen. pack bryant's lunch. grant's up. bryant goes upstairs to give 'getting grant asleep' a try. grant's had a rough go at the sleeping business today..

and now it's 9 o'clock. eventually grant will stay asleep. and if it's in a timely manner we're gonna scarf down a brownie a la mode and watch an episode of one of our stories. we'll probably crawl into bed around 11. and that'll be that. a day in the life!


  1. Doing battle - ha ha!

    Hmm, this sounds a lot like my days...

  2. That's my girl- slaying the dragon!

  3. I think teenagers should have to follow you around for a day. Do every step you take. It would be the best birth control Ever!

    1. this was a great day! if we're talking birth control, there are far harder days for them to shadow me on!

    2. Oh yeah, absolutely, but this would be a dose of reality that isn't necessarily grasped.

  4. Wow...props to you my friend. And I thought going to work was tiring :)

  5. Whoa! You're a beast! Love you and your boys! Thanks for being real! You're a hoot!

  6. I love this post. That is all.

  7. Sounds familiar! :) I laughed at the "knock knock" because Kiley yells "knock knock" while knocking to be let out lol! Except for one day this week she quietly let herself out of her room and into mine and yelled "MOMMY!!!" which made me JUMP out of bed!!


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